By; Speaker Gerald A. Polley

As I have said in my youth, I was not someone you wanted to irritate! I was known to solve situations rather quickly, and, rather forcibly.
Most people had the common sense not to irritate me, but of course there were always those occassional strangers that didn't have the common sense not to bother people.
We always had evangelists prowling our road, of several different denominations, especially in the summer time. Only the most hardy came out in the winter.
One sumer a new group started working the road, the first one to come by was an older gentleman, very nice. We talked for a couple of minutes, then I told him I wasn't really interested, that I was an athiest, and didn't really believe in The Bible. BIG MISTAKE! NEVER let people like this know you're a non-believer! You become prime target #1!
A couple of days later there was another knock on the door. This time it was two young ladies dressed like New York hookers. They put on their sweetest performance trying to get me to let them in, and read the Bible to me. I enjoyed the show but told them I was headed off to a job and really couldn't be bothered right now. They begrudgingly left.
A couple of days later there was another knock on the door. I opened it and two very smartly dressed young men stood outside. They began their speil and I told them I really wasn't interested. One of them suddenly took ahold of the screen door, and with a sudden jerk, pulled off the catch. Before I could respond, the other one kept me from shutting the door, then together they pushed their way into the house, and sat down on the couch!
"We're not leaving," one of them announced, "until we make you aware of God's salvation. That's our duty as good Christians!"
"Get out!" I told him.
"No!" the other one answered. "We MUST tell you about Jesus Christ!"
I walked into the bedroom, yanked my carbine ot of the closet, slapped a clip into it, came back out into the livingroom, and slammed a bullet into the chamber.
"Now, you friggin' idiots!" I screamed, "You've got one of two choices! You can walk out that door, or, you can be carried out that door...the choice is yours. But nobody forces their way into my house and says they're not going to leave!"
"You wouldn't shoot us, you wouldn't kill us," one of them snapped, "just because we want to read the Bible to you?"
"Do you wanna bet your life I won't?" I answered. I might not kill you, but you may sure as hell wish I had! GET OUT!"
The young men beat a hasty retreat and I went back to the business at hand. About forty-five minutes later the sheriff's cruiser pulls into my dooryard followed by the evangelists' station wagon.
The sheriff knocked on my door, and I greeted him warmly, as we were old acquaintances. "Gerald," he began, "what's going on here? These young men came to my office and said you threatened them with a deadly weapon."
I explained what had happened, and the sheriff looked at me wide-eyed. "Well!" he finally managed, "I see! Be right back."
He walked over to the evangelists' car and leaned down. "Gentlemen," he began, "there isn't a jury in this state that would convict Gerald. You're goddamn lucky he didn't blow your butts away! There also isn't one that wouldn't convict you. So I'll tell you what we're going to do. We're going back up to my office and we're going to withdraw this unwarranted complaint. Then, I'm going to escort you to your motel. You're going to pack your things and get out of my county, never to return. Do I make myself perfectly clear?"
"We have a right," one of the men complained, "to teach the Glory Of God.
"That you do," the sheriff answered, "and I'll defend that right to the last drop of my blood, but you have no right to force your way into anyone's house, no matter WHAT your porpose, AND THAT I WILL NOT PERMIT! Now get going! I'll be right behind you!"
The sheriff came back to the door. "Are you going to be able to do that work for me Wednesday?" he asked.
"Sure!" I answered, "And I might have something on that other matter."
"Good!" the sheriff answered, "Good! Don't worry about this, it's all taken care of."
It was. I never saw the evangelists again! I did hear about them, though, a couple of months later. A girlfriend of mine from a neighboring county called. It seemed she had come home and found them terrorizing her wheelchair-bound grandmother, and proceeded to beat the living daylights out of them. She had heard I had had problems with them, too, and wanted me as a witness to their type of behavior. I told her I'd be delighted.
I never got to testify, however. The charges were dropped, and the case never went to trial. I have the deepest respect for religious teachers. I often enjoy a stimulating conversation. But I do not think there is ANY reason, whatsoever, for people like these. They give all religious teachers a bad name.


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