Only when you're right there and no one else can hear would I ever want him to tell you. But I will have to pay for that. That was me. That can't be changed. There's no going back. But I've been promised that I will be kept here and kept safe until mother dies and I can have my five minutes with her. They say I will probably not need that much. I do not really want to live for that. I really do not want to exist for it. I want there to be something else. I can't even say her name. I want to say her name, but it hurts so much I can't. But if you still love me, if you really, really love her, I want you to do something for me, and I promise you if you do it it will save her.
I want you to go to her and I want you to get permission to talk to her in private. And then I want you to tell her that you will not protect her any more, that you will not help her. That unless she does what you want this will be the last time that she will ever see you, and that you will leave instructions that she will not even be allowed to attend your funeral. That unless she does what's right you will never have any dealings with her again, you will never support her in any way. Tell her that I have sent you a message asking you to do this, and that you will fulfill my wishes.
Then, I ask you to tell her that there is an alternative. That if she will do what I want you will continue to support her and love her the rest of her life, and for my sake forgive her. If she will send her lawyer away saying she no longer wants her, that she separates from her of her own free will, and then calls in the police and tells them everything, the absolute truth, every little thing from beginning to end, if she does not hold anything back, if she makes a complete confession and then waivers a jury trial and asks the judge to give her whatever sentence is appropriate and makes no protest, allows no one to make any protest, I will walk away. I will never confront her, I will never hurt her. I will go away. The people taking care of me are very powerful. Their power is literally beyond belief! When they promise no matter how bad the thing someone has done is, if they will tell the truth they will have eternal life, that is what will be. Sometime, somewhere mother will have another life and I'm sure she will do better, and there will be some little girl that will be very happy that she is her mother. I do want that. Though it could never be me, I do want that. I want her to have eternal life. When the end comes it will give me a certain amount of peace, a certain amount of joy. But if she will not do what I ask, no matter how long it takes I will wait, and I will confront her. And when she is gone, I will accept my fate.
That's what I want, grandmother, that's what I want you to do. If you stand fast, if you tell mother she must do this, there is a good chance you can save her. But if you let her keep lying you will only destroy her. There is no question of that. Some day she will die, she will leave this world, and when she does she will cease to exist forever. At this moment she has no hope. But if you can make her speak the truth, if you can make her tell it all no matter how much it hurts, she can live forever, and she probably won't even suffer that much. The truth is a very wondrous thing! It hurts awful, sometimes, but it can do such incredible things!
Now, that's what I would like, grandmother. And rather or not mother cooperates there's one other thing I'd like you to do for me. I would like you to take a week, go to North Dakota, and visit Speakers Gerald & Linda Polley. Mr. Polley will tell you what it is I'd like you to do for me. You will be at liberty to say no. But if you do I would still ask you to stay and visit for the week and help The Polleys out a little bit, take them shopping and stuff, take them to supper. They work so hard to help people like me and they have so little. This would be the final thing I would ever ask you to do for me, and it would make me so very happy if you would. Again, it would help me leave in peace, without fear. So if you could do it it would be the last gift that you could give me.
But again I ask you to try. It is mother's last hope, it is her only hope. It will do no good if she does it several years from now. It will only be worth anything if she does it now. The more she fights, the more she destroys her soul, the more she dooms herself. Please! Don't make me destroy her. Make her tell the truth. If she won't, and you separate yourself from her it will protect you. And I want to protect you.
That's all I can say to you. I hope to hear from you in a few days that you have done what I asked and that you are coming to North Dakota. There's one other tiny thing I have asked The First Lady. I am supposed to call The Polleys master and mistress. They are being extremely kind, allowing me to call them Mr. and Mrs.. I want so much to call them mother and father but it is completely against the rules. I have asked The First Lady to request I can. If she hasn't please ask her to do so. And please ask yourself. It's something that's very important to me, I love them so much.