He pointed to the two deputies and waved for them to move their cars. "All right!" he said, "They can go! I can see there's going to be no easy way about this. They're going to be asses all the way. That Spiritist attitude! Let the son of a bitch go!"
The rear passenger window came down with a slow buzzing. "Sheriff!" came a voice
The sheriff bent down and looked in the window. The person in the passenger seat threw back the hood of the simple black robe. Long blonde hair emerged and the sheriff found himself staring into the most beautiful deep blue eyes he'd ever seen! The rest of the face belonged to a beautiful young woman!
"Actually," she remarked, "it's the DAUGHTER of a bitch, sheriff! This is Mr. Longbow, our attorney. He says we could file charges because of all this foul language you are using, but I don't think it will be necessary. I think it will stop. It will stop, won't it?"
The sheriff found himself unable to speak, but only nodded.
"You know, sheriff," the young woman continued, "if you'd cut back on the calories a bit and got a little decent exercise you'd be quite a handsome man. Good day!"
The window rolled back up. "G'day!" the sheriff managed as the car rolled away.
Deputy Fife who had got on that side of the car and seen the passenger muttered "Oh my God! THAT's their LEADER?"
The sheriff stood. "I guess so!" he remarked, looking to the trooper who nodded.
"Oh my God!" the deputy muttered again and headed to his cruiser.
The sheriff got into his, reached for the box of donuts in the passenger seat, then muttered "If you'd cut down on the calories...." He shut the box and drove back to the office.
As he came in the dispatcher held something up. "What's that?" he asked.
"A book by the leader of The Spiritist Church," she answered. "Somebody dropped it off for you."
The sheriff looked at the title. "Common Sense Dieting For The Masses." He noticed something sticking out of it, and pulled it out. It was a three week's gift certificate for Tony's Gym, just two doors down!
"When were these delivered?" he asked.
"Just before you went out," the dispatcher answered.
The sheriff looked at the book. "Isn't there any God damned thing this damned guy hasn't written about?"
"I don't think so," the dispatcher answered. "My sister swears by his child care book!"
The sheriff stared at the book for a few moments more, and then muttered, "I'll be in my office."
He sat down at his desk and opened the book. "Let's make one thing clear from the beginning," it read, "Losing weight is not going to be easy. There's no quick fix. But if you want to lose weight there's two basic rules. Decrease calory intake and increase exercise. If you do both together you'll lose weight. But you must do so sensibly, and you must do so with commitment. Now let's go to the first part of the book and find out why you eat so much. That may help you find it easier NOT to eat so much."
The sheriff nodded and continued to read. At lunchtime he buzzed the dispatcher. "Yes?" she asked.
"Call the restaurant," he said, "cancel my regular order. I want a six ounce steak, a baked potato, and a double order of vegatables, no gravy, and a pitcher of diet soda."
The dispatcher stared at the intercom for a moment then answered "Yes sir!" and quickly phoned the restaurant. The waitress who usually brought over the sheriff's lunch came in looking rather curious. The dispatcher shrugged. The sheriff opened his door, took the food, and returned to his desk. After lunch he came out again. "If anything comes up," he snapped, "I'll be down to Tony's. What to hell? If somebody's paid for three months I might as well use it!"
"Might as well!" the dispatcher agreed.
As soon as the sheriff was out the door she was on the phone. By that afternoon the deputies were all making bets as to how long this would last. Only Fife believed the sheriff would stick with it. Eventually he'd collect quite a little kitty as the sheriff continued to follow the diet and the exercise, much to everyone's joy!

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